Reunited and It Feels So Good

This past weekend in New Mexico was awesome. I got to see the BFF for the first time since October and I could not have been happier. She looks AMAZING and I'm so proud of her for rocking that competition. Seriously guys, my best friend could totally beat up your best friend.

Please ignore the fact that I look like Casper next to Mari..and she happens to looks like she belongs on the Jersey Shore with that spray tan...not that she doesn't usually make me look pale...

The competition was so interesting. All the women, in all the categories, clearly pushed their bodies to the limit and have been working really hard to get to this point. I'm so impressed with all of it. I could never do it! But like I said, Mari rocked it. It was SO fun to be there and cheer her on and help with the prep process! All her hard work and dedication was amazing and inspiring. So baller.

 It was a really great trip over all. We spent lots of time in competition prep, but we managed to make stops at my favorite pizza place, coffee shop, and I got awesome chips and salsa. We also we able to squeeze in a baseball game! I love the Red Sox more than any team, but Albuquerque Isotopes games are cheap and so much fun. Where else do a red chili, a green chili, a taco, and a jar of salsa race around the bases?

I came home on Sunday with my sister-in-law. She's almost 11, but this is her first big trip without her parents, so it's been exciting. We had a long lay-over in Dallas and got into Boston late, but our spirits were high!

It's good to be home and getting back to the grind, even if it's a little off now that there's an extra body in the apartment (getting three people out the door in the morning is WAY harder than two people...especially when one needs a little extra help getting ready).

To report on my goals for last week: I did 2/3. I did not exercise 5 days. With the travel and all the things that had to get done, it just didn't happen. But I'm ok with it. I drank a lot of water and I tracked all my eats, so I'm happy with it. I had a great weigh-in this morning, so I know that if I up the exercise this week, and keep it up with the water and tracking, I'll be right as rain in no time! It's amazing what a visit with the BFF can do for your mental health and motivation. :)

Not to mention, my sneakers just got tricked out.

Oh yeeahhh. That's right. I have a ID tag on my sneaks now. Safety is sexy.

Post Competition!

The BFF and I had a great visit, like our other visits it felt too short to me. It really is so amazing to me that we can live so far apart but the instant we're in the same room, it's like we've never been apart.

The competition (and prep) is officially over!! I am so happy with my final results- I showed up on stage supported by the most amazing family and friends and felt like the best me that I could be. Seriously, having the BFF in the crowd and visiting during the week made this so much more enjoyable for me!! This transformation may not be so drastic but to me I see a huge difference and the best part is - I feel great! Here is my final picture taken after the show. Can you believe the tan? This was a great experience and I'm so happy to have done it but I'm looking forward to some rest and exercise for fun, not because I have to! I'm actually in CA right now because my dad and fiance competed in a triathlon this morning! They both did so well!!

Before yesterday's flight I consumed these two snacks entirely and in under 5 minutes....
We had an early morning today and after the triathlon was complete we were all more than ready for a warm, delicious breakfast. We hit a local favorite and started off with mimosas and then I consumed my first breakfast carbs...apple crepes!!

Yum!!

I mentioned in my previous post that I was going to share some pretty big job news. Over two weeks ago, I gave my two week notice so as of the end of last week, I'm unemployed. It was a really difficult decision to make and not necessarily the best one to make in this economy but I needed to make this change so I did. When I get back from CA I will be working full-time on finding a new job and will keep you updated. I hope to find something soon!!

These are the trinkets I cleaned out of my desk; what doesn't everyone have Flinstones, a pirate eye patch, metal craft wire and a finger trap in their desk??

I hope you had a great weekend and have a week full of fun and exercise!

Old Habits Die Hard

It's been another few days of on and off. One day I work out really well and stick to good, healthy foods, and another day I'm all over the place. It's a work in progress. I don't know what caused me to all of a sudden feel/be so out of control. I spent a looongggg time working on making good habits, and to just throw them out makes me REALLY annoyed. BUT I'm working on it...and I'm getting those good habits back. Yesterday I had a great brick workout and I've done a great job tracking my food in the last two days. I have a few mini-goals for the week, but first, I must share about my weekend!

Although it was not exercise-filled, it was really fun. I went to VT for the annual Vermont Brewers Festival. It's our third year going and it did not disappoint! We even had an extra addition to our crew this year, baby Brynn! She's so amazingly perfect and I love her. I'm so glad I finally got to meet her and hold her!

I ended up with a sunburn from the Brew Fest, despite putting sunscreen on THREE TIMES. It wasn't a bad burn, and I think it's probably because I was so sweaty the sunscreen just didn't stay on. Nevertheless, I had a great time. After the brew fest we went down to the water front to see the sunset. It was a perfect night, until the sun went down and we got eaten alive by bugs!

We made it home Sunday night after sticking around to watch the (tragic) Women's World Cup finals and battling traffic in New Hampshire (turns out there was a NASCAR race in NH this weekend and we left at the same time as all the hicks).


ANYWAY. Now that this is the longest post ever, let me get onto my mini-goals for this week. I have three. And I think they are all pretty darn do-able.

1. Track EVERYTHING I eat. No guess, no doing the math in my head (my hubs can do calculus without a calculator, but I need a pen and paper to do my simple addition. And I need to just own that and do it).

2. Exercise at least 5 days. I had a great workout last night, but it doesn't count for this week (because my weigh-ins are on Tuesdays, so life works Tuesday to Tuesday), so 5 days of great workouts.

3. Drink more water! I don't drink enough water. Ever. I drink 1 cup of coffee a day, and 1 can of diet coke. That won't change (I love diet soda, I do not care if you think it's bad for me), but I know I need to add more straight-up water to my life.

These are the small steps I'm going to take to get myself in a better place. Number 2 might be hard since I'm traveling this weekend, but I have a feeling I'll be able to stay on track since I'M GOING TO NEW MEXICO!!!!!! Wooooooo! That's right, the BFF and I will be hanging out this weekend!! We have not seen each other since October! So, for the first time ever, there will be pictures on the blog of us together! Get excited!

Random Thoughts Update

Here we are 2 days into the final week of prep! To be honest, last week I really thought I was done. I have a trouble area that I have been working so hard to fix and I just wasn't seeing a change. After a good pep talk with my trainer and some amazingly supportive friends (thanks BFF!) I did decide on Thursday evening that I would complete this challenge, get up there on stage and accomplish one of the biggest mental, physical and emotional challenges.

I have a few random thoughts to share with you today:

1) I recently made a BIG career decision. I'll share more in the very near future- I'm excited.

2) I almost made this entire post an ode to carbohydrates. Today, I ate my last serving of carbs for the week in the form of a bowl of oats; as much pain as oats have caused my stomach, I will miss them.

3) Tomorrow is my last workout!! Today's workout was a quick warm-up on the treadmill, weights working out back and chest and then hill sprints. I haven't run this one particular hill since January/February-ish before I injured my ankle. I wasn't very fast and it was really tough but it felt so good to be able to run this hill again, I'm just so thankful to have a healing ankle. I'm already thinking that I'd like to train for a half-marathon for this upcoming winter. Any recommendations?

4) Today Jay and I met with a jewelry designer to look over some of his wedding band designs!!

5) Does anyone else watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager? Love it!

Well those are my thoughts for today, I hope to share more with you soon! Have a great week!!

Getting Back in the Game

First off, thank you. I really cannot say it enough to those awesome few who reached out to me after my last post. I was definitely feeling down, and reading your words of encouragement meant everything to me. I couldn't be doing this without you, and I really really really appreciate the support.

Second, I went for a run this morning!

I was a hot, sweaty mess, and honestly, I was a sucky run, but I did it! I got out there and I ran. And, the best part is, my husband came too! He knows I've been struggling and he's been SO amazingly awesome. And neither one of us likes to be the one that has to stop or slow down, so it's great motivation to just keep running.

I got to run this morning because I worked from home today. I wasn't actually at home until a little while ago, but I was in Boston and therefore didn't have to drive to work! (My mentor at work also happens to live in the city, and he works from home every Wednesday. We're in the middle of a training session, so my boss said I could stay in the city and work with my mentor instead of having to skip a day!) I only wish I still had the time to get up and run every morning, but OH WELL. I'll take those days I can get.

After my not-so-awesome-but-at-least-I-went run, I made an amazing breakfast of English muffins and sunflower seed butter. I had this stuff for the first time in NY this past weekend and I have completely fallen in love.

At first I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but after a few bites of toast I was in love. It was the first thing on my grocery list yesterday and I've already had it for breakfast and with an apple this afternoon. It's dangerously good.

Although I'm really happy with myself for working out this morning, and for the food choices I've made in the past few days, I know myself well enough to know I'm not completely out of the woods. I'm hoping the runner's high from today with carry  me through a pretty brutal brick workout tomorrow, work travel on Friday, and a beer festival this weekend. I'm going to have to be extra attentive to myself, and find lots of motivation. Luckily, today, in seriously good timing, I got an email from the library saying a book I reserved had arrived!

(I'm hugely in favor of buying books, especially when it's newer authors who will enjoy the benefits of people's purchases, but there isn't room in my budget for all the books I read, so I'm a frequent user of the Boston Public Library!)


I'm hoping to get some great ideas from the book that will push me even further out of this mess I seem to have gotten myself into!

Thanks again for the tips! I'm hoping post from here on out will be much more positive!

S.O.S.

Soooo it’s been a while since I blogged. A week? More? Let me explain.

I’ve been having a hard time. I’ve had a hard time finding the motivation to enjoy what I’m doing, and to enjoy the progress I’ve made. I’ve had a hard time finding the motivation to work out and to make healthy decisions. I’ve chosen to be social over working out, even though I said I wanted to make it a priority.

I feel burnt out. I understand the point of changing things up to make sure this doesn’t happen, but it did. I don’t want to think about it anymore. I want to drink red wine without being concerned with how many points I'm drinking, and I want to sit on the couch and watch TV. I don’t want to be responsible for myself and I want to be lazy.

And so I have done all those things. I haven’t properly hydrated or fueled my body, nor have I exercised more than a few days. My food scale hasn’t been touched in weeks, and my chocolate intake as tripled. It totally sounds like I went on a bender in Vegas a-la Charlie Sheen, but trust me when I say it was far less dramatic. I got lazy and I chose not to fight off that feeling. And I feel awful. 

But I can't seem to snap out of it. I LOVE how it feels to get good and sweaty, but for some reason I cannot pull myself together to do it. It may seem ridiculous to some people. I mean how could I just NOT work out when it's easy enough to? Why not say "enough is enough" and move on? Well I've been working so hard for two and a half years and I'm tired. I'm SO close to having lost 100lbs...REALLY close...and it's taken a HUGE amount of energy and effort, and I felt like giving up. I want that for myself really badly...that's a huge milestone for me (for anyone really), but I am not going to get there if I don't get myself out of this rut.

The other part of this is that I'm frustrated. REALLY frustrated. As I said, it's been a two and a half year journey for me thus far AND I'M NOT DONE. I've always been really good at focusing on how far I've come, but this time it's hard. I'm annoyed that I'm not in the physical shape I'd like to be in, and I still don't like the way my jeans fit (even if they're 6 sizes smaller than when I started). I feel like throwing in the towel because some times I can't see it. Sometimes it feels like nothing has changed and I'm still the big girl hiding myself from the world. I know that statement probably sounds crazy too, but you see yourself one way for long enough, it's hard to get past the image later on. I'm all about promoting positive self-talk, but some times we just have those days, or weeks, or in my case, whole month. I WANT to be happy with what I see in the mirror simple because it's so different, even if I have a lot more to do, but I can't seem to get there right now.


So I'm putting this out in public, out on this blog for all four of you BFF followers to read in hopes of making myself more accountable. I do not like feeling this way. I do not like knowing that I'm SO incredibly close to something and I'm the only thing standing in the way. So if you've got any tips on how to help me pull myself up by the boot straps, I'd really appreciate it. I've had ruts before, but this one is a doozie and I could use all the help I can get.


Sorry to be such a downer and to have yet another post with no pictures, but this is a serious issue for me right now, and I needed to lay it all out on the line.

A Hairy Situation

A couple of months ago I texted my hairstylist and asked her to do my hair and make-up for the show. She agreed and I was happy because I've been going to her for about 5 years and completely trust her work. A few weeks later I texted her to schedule a trim and didn't get a response. Several days after that attempt, I tried emailing her and also received no response. Beginning to feel really needy, I called her salon and found out she moved out of state! I hope that everything is okay with her and the move was for good reasons. I have been in a bit of a panic now trying to schedule someone last minute for hair and make-up but today I received a call that the amazing hair stylist and make-up artist that my trainer recommended are going to be able to squeeze me in! Thank goodness!!

I have an appointment at a new (to me) salon this evening for a hair cut, I hope this place works out!

I also hope that I can find another stylist to do my hair for the wedding. I know it's still a year away but I had been planning my 'do with my former hair stylist since before I even got engaged and was so content knowing she and I were already on the same page- no crazy bridal hair for this girl!