Welcome Back!

Happy New Year! Welcome 2013! Hi, there again! We're back!

It has been almost 7 months since our last post, and we are fully aware of that. It's been a busy 7 months, and the blog just had to take a back seat. It happens. We're okay with it. We had some good life going on in the mean time, but now it's time to get back into action and back on the proverbial wagons.

For me, the last seven months have been tough and wonderful. I worked A LOT. I traveled A LOT. I focused A LOT on my career and making sure I was putting 100% into my job. Between October and December, I took 12 trips. I visited 11 different cities and 10 of the trips were for work. The two trips not related to work were for Mari's wedding (it was AMAZING, but I also did a whole lot of work while I was "on vacation") and Thanksgiving. It was hard work, but I love my job, so I went very willingly. But spending that much time working means there is very little time for anything else, including working out.

After the half marathon, I was burned out. I didn't want to run anymore, and I had no gym membership. I "trained" for the triathlon in September, but definitely not well. I ran the race, and I finished the race, but I was not particularly thrilled with my performance. I know I could have done better.

Naturally, having not worked out basically at all in the summer and after the tri, I have gained weight. More than I care to have gain (any is more than I would care to gain). I'm not proud of myself anymore and that's not a good thing. For me, it's not so much about the number on the scale (which I am boycotting at the moment) but rather the fact that I no longer feel like I can do anything. Skiing makes me nervous. Am I in good enough shape? Will I be able to last a day on the slopes? I don't have much of my muscle left, and my clothes don't fit the way I like them too (or at all in some cases). These are things that don't make me happy, and I'm working on that now. I'm back at the gym and trying to make the decisions that will leave me feeling good, instead of stuffed into my clothes.

Another change I made was to go gluten free. I'm not 100% gluten free by any means, but I'm probably about 90%. I've struggled with stomach issues for a long time, and I just kind of dealt with it. I tried a lot of different things, but nothing seemed to do much so I'd kind of just given up. A friend of mine at work started going gluten free at the suggestion of her doctor, and I decided to try it too. It was working for her stomach, and I wanted mine to feel good too. I started at the beginning of September, and so far it's been great. The few times I've decided not to follow the gluten free diet, I definitely pay for it later that day in stomach pain. As I said though, I'm not 100% free. I still eat regular soy sauce and things that "were processed in facilities that process wheat," and those don't bother me. I'm still figuring out how to make it all work, but so far I like what it's been doing for me.

So now we're here. It's a new year, and I'm hoping to kind of start new. I'm not huge into resolutions, but there's a few things I'm going to work on. Since this post has already been super wordy and has no picture, I figure it's probably best to save those for the next one. But have no fear, we're back and here to stay!

April Showers

Well there haven't really been any April showers...it's been very un-rainy, which is just fine with me...but that's really not really how the saying goes now is it? (Caution: wordy post to follow).

Unfortunately, there haven't really been any April posts either. Zero to be exact. How did that happen? Well I went to Chicago, and then it was Mari's birthday, and then it was my birthday, and it was Easter, and I had a huge presentation I was working on for work...and now we're here.

Here is a very interesting place for me right now. Over the last year, I've definitely lost a lot of focus in my food and fitness life. I know I've discussed it before, so it's probably like a broken record from me, but the truth is, shit got hard. Once you start to slip up and lose the drive and dedication you once had, it's SO hard to get it back. I've basically taken an entire year off from weight loss and general healthiness, and it's gotten me a whole lot of no where. I'm not happy with my fitness level, my habits, or my body.

But sometimes we have to fall off to be able to pick ourselves back up again, and see where we need to be stronger. These girls admit their struggles all the time, and I admire them for it. I am channeling them as inspiration to get it back together and focus.

As I said, this is obviously not the first time I've mentioned a need to refocus. My motivation waivers and I get comfortable where I am. But now, I am not comfortable. I ran 6 miles without stopping last weekend. It's a first for me. I've never done more than a 5k without stopping. This was double that. So I should be extremely proud. But I am not. Because I realized that even though that run was good (albeit slow), I am by no means taking care of myself. And that run could have been better. And I want to feel 100% proud of myself, not just of one run.

The pace of my runs has slowed, my clothes are a little tighter, and my muscle definition is gone. This is NOT how I pictured myself to be as I turn 27.

So I'm doing something about it. I've enlisted the hubs for help (I'm around him the most, so he's a good place to start) and I've taken a vow of willpower. I have done this before, I most definitely know I can do it again. The half marathon is 6 weeks from today. I am feeling so scared and almost wish I hasn't signed up for it. But I don't want to feel that way. I want to get to the starting line on race day and feel excited and ready.

The next 6 weeks are going to be rough, I know that. And I know it's going to take far more than 6 weeks to get me where I want to be. BUT. I have to start somewhere. And I need to have a short term goal to kick start the process.

So I admitted my problems. Step one. Step two, create a plan of action. Check. Step three, find a way to hold yourself to that plan and be accountable. I have most definitely lost all accountability in this process, so here is where I know I'll struggle most. I'm hoping this blog can help me in that process...I plan on doing weekly check-ins after my long runs, and post my daily eat during the week. I don't intend for this to become a food journal, but for 6 weeks, it's going to have to be.

I hope I've not gotten myself too far off course, and that a kick in the pants is all I need. I've thought I could get it back on track several times in the last year, and obviously I haven't, but I do feel as though I've found a new rock bottom, and I'd like to get out of here, as soon as possible.

Wish me luck.

Gold Star Monday

I get a gold star today because I did it! I got home from work, changed into my workout clothes, AND WENT TO THE GYM FOR SPIN CLASS.

Yes, I am fully awake that I look like I should be institutionalized in this picture, but I'm so excited about this accomplishment. I have not once since I started my new job gone to good old gym after work. Weekends, maybe. Tried the new gym? Yes. Run outside, maybe twice? But this is most definitely the best feeling. It only took me seven weeks to make it happen. OH WELL. It really wasn't THAT bad either. I think the fact that it's light out when this is all happening is a HUGE help.

I honestly wasn't sure I was going to make it tonight, but I pushed myself to go, and I pushed through a hard workout. We had an eventful weekend, and I was totally drained today. Working out definitely made it better.

This weekend was eventful for two reasons. One: We went to the Red Sox-Yankees game on Sunday night! It was SO much fun. We are die hard Sox fans (I was born and raise in MA and the hubs moved here when he was 5), but we're never seen them play the Yankees before, so this was super exciting for us.

Two: Saturday night was the Fenway Community Health Men's Event! This is the black tie that I've been working on for months and months and I was super excited for the day. It's so fun to get dresses up and go out for a fancy party. This is my third year attending the event, and I felt so fabulous this year.

This is me at the event in 2009 vs. 2011 (and please excuse how dumb I look in the 2009 picture. It was the best one I could find...)

Unfortunately the night ended on a very very sad note. A man attending the event had a heart attack after dinner. Just as the dancing had started, the lights came on and we were asked if there was a doctor in the house.  It's unclear whether or not the man lived, but from what we witnessed it did not look very promising. I've never seen anything like that happen so suddenly before (even during all my time volunteering at the hospital), and it definitely shook me up. The man wasn't THAT old or THAT heavyset, but it put life into pretty harsh perspective. It made me realize just how important it is to be conquering my weight battles NOW. It's definitely not easy, and most nights I do not want to go to the gym, but realizing that I'm helping ensure that I live a longer and better life is keeping me going.

I know it's kind of a morbid story, but I'm definitely still in shock from the events of this weekend, and I'm not sure they'll leave me for a while. The silver lining is that it's made me put in some extra effort that I've been lacking lately.